My Long Journey of Finding the True Culprit: I Hate Electrics, I Love Mechanics (Part 2)

He had so many arguments. Clear, solid and proven. All what he was saying weren't wrong at any point. I agreed, electrical engineering is actually a fascinating field. The engineers are free to bring their creative ideas into life. They don't need lots of money to experiment on their own. Small pocket like mine can afford the thrill of testing a new idea any time, almost anywhere.

Only passion required.

From there, you can taste the sweet joy of success at almost every attempt you make. If you use the right components, of course. Err..no short circuit, please.

He further reasoned, I won't be able to do the same thing if I were to get my ship embarked on the other side of the sea. The vast open, rough sea of Mechanical Engineering.


"Encik, macam mana saya nak hidup ...bila setiap hari... saya bangun untuk melakukan sesuatu yang saya tak suka sepanjang hidup saya?" (Sir, how can I live...when everyday...I wake up to do something I don't like for the rest of my life?)

 
He lost his words. Speechless for a few seconds.

My voice was low-toned while every single words were carefully uttered from the tip of my tongue.

I knew, he had lived his life long enough to understand what I was talking about. I could see him understanding my point very clearly, producing no objection at all to what I'd articulated just now.

There was no more eager wave on his face. He had lost his interest trying to change my mind. Completely different from the way he previously was.


On my side, I was having no intention at all attempting to win the debate. I didn't care about winning or losing.

I was merely being myself. No more than that. All that came to my mind was simply to wash away the intense stress I was enduring.

I believed (at that time), Electrical Engineering subjects had really taken their toll on me. The stress from one source had spread to other parts of my academic studies. Creeping into every facets of my life.

I couldn't even scored for my favourite subject, Engineering Mathematics, a further advance subject of Mathematics which was undeniably my zest reservoir since I was in my high school.

Digital Electronics, which wasn't really electrical, was also affected. It seemed that those subjects like Basic Electrical Engineering and Circuit Theory were dragging down my performance in none-Electrical subjects.

It had been long enough for me to stay in the Electrical Engineering Faculty. The accumulating stress must be terminated or....

* * *

It was a moment I will always remember in my life.


The differing look on my lecturer's face was a sight I wouldn't want to forget.

I was simply predicting and imagining the future but people like him who had live life longer than me, had gone through it many times. He would have understand it a lot more than me. The look on his face didn't just made me stay put in my position but it made me even more convinced of what I was doing. I was certainly doing the right thing.

I didn't have to wait and see how bad it can be or how bitter I would feel to stay in Electrical Engineering Faculty and to live my life according to others' need and desire.

Money can be so tempting. Yet, I think I knew it well despite my youth at that time. There is more than just money in life. There is more, trust me.

I made a decision to switch course from Computer Engineering (offered under Electrical Engineering Faculty in UTM) to Mechanical Engineering.

For a university which specialization is engineering, it means I have to switch to a different faculty, an attempt undesirable by the preceding faculty, but hugely cherished by the successor. The later statement is especially true when the case involves a girl student trying to get into Mechanical Engineering Faculty as they tried to bring up the number of female students. Statistics showed that gender ratio was 4:1, not to mention the reality was worse than that.

I believed, my case was a rare case. Any girls who applies for course transfer between electrical and mechanical engineering would had been from mechanical to electrical, not otherwise.

It was quite a reluctance on the side of the electrical people, but a total acceptance, a warm welcome from the side of the mechanical group.

Being the only girl in a class of 80 students was not a surprising sight. Whenever I was absent, the whole class knew it. No one wearing veil that day.

Just to make things more interesting (and eye-popping), I picked out a major which was among the top three courses which had the least girls, Mechanical Automotive Engineering.

To sum up number of female students from all levels, SMV (the course abbreviation) had less than ten of us.

I figured it out only after the course transfer was approved.

* * *

"Go for it."

He looked across the room for a moment before nodding with approval.

It was now my turn to fall back, giving no reply. Instead, I just kept on blinking at him. Apparently, my simple question had shed him some light on what I was seeking to justify.

I didn't know why, I treasured his approval so much. Maybe I was looking for it from someone I highly regarded. And I got it. I had decided my way but that was a complete confidence booster.

* * *

I was actually getting sicker by that time. Not realizing it was actually my own body which should had been held accounted, I pinned the blame on the smaller factor: electrics. I remembered having slight trouble understanding electrics chapter while I was in high school and matriculation level, owing to lack of interest and passion in that area, but the truth is, my body and my health were the real culprit. 

My brain and my mind had started to exhibit great lag in performance in spite of my growing efforts and sleepless nights. I couldn't tolerate it anymore. It was a torturing pain, both physically and mentally, yet unexplainable and fully concealed from the eyes, even my own. 

I didn't have any words left to defend myself when the problem proceeded into mechanical engineering.

Note: Dear student-influencing figures who almost completely deny the relationship of academic performance between school and campus level: yes, it's true that school are lots, lots, lots easier than university level. But then, some of these young minds do know themselves. To some certain degrees, why don't you consider the possibility that the not-so-matured students/ children do connect with their own mind? I don't really know where I would be today if I fail to trust myself at that time, as no one else seemed to be so sure of my words.