My Long Journey of Finding the True Culprit: I Hate Electrics, I Love Mechanics (Part I)

I kept on staring at the textbook.

Words of Basic Electrical Engineering were printed on the front cover.

The page I was 'studying' seemed to be written in a foreign language I've never known.

Foreign, ancient and long lost. I couldn't understand even a word. I couldn't concentrate.

I shifted my sight to the ceiling, wandering into the future.

How would I survive in this course for another 7 semesters? The very first semester is depressing enough. In contrast, this is the time I should have scored really well. Very easy subjects. Others are aiming to score A and I'm thinking about passing? Thinking about getting it done. 

My roommate was focusing on her book. Her eyes were fixed on the same chapter I was opening. Envious of that look on her face, I stopped watching her and continued wandering.

How would I be able to survive dealing with these electrical stuffs? I can't even stand this one semester. God, what will happen to me?

* * *

I walked alone back to my room. I didn't even wait for my friends as I usually did. 

My pace was quick, so did the tears on my cheeks.

I was lucky no one seemed to be around. The darkness of night was also helping me hide from any watching eyes.

I couldn't stop weeping. I didn't know why it broke my heart this much.

"I'm sorry, sir. I still don't understand it. Can you please repeat once again?" I was asking my physics lecturer.

He already gave a lengthy explanation as I kept on asking about small, basic details I should have understood well while I was in SPM level. 

He was a very kind-hearted lecturer who rarely fail to fulfill such request. Thus, he elaborated again on the Wheatstone Bridge. This time it was brief. 

The terms galvanometer, current, voltage and resistance sounded dull to me. The formulas I was looking at were ugly.

The later explanation still failed to open up my mind of what was the chapter was about. My friend beside me caught the look in my eyes and immediately assured me, "It's ok, Nisa. I will explain it back to you later, back in hostel."

I gave a quick nod, afraid to expose what I was thinking and feeling to my lecturer. He would be upset if he knew I couldn't get what he was saying all the time I was listening to him. Normally, he didn't need to explain this much as I'd always prepared well before coming to see and consult him. Furthermore, other chapters were not this displeasing. Not as much as this chapter. Direct Current Circuit. 

I excused myself hurriedly, telling that good friend of mine I was going back earlier. I lied, saying that I had something to do back in the hostel. Thanking my lecturer, I left even though they were still discussing the topic. Something I never did before.

I didn't know why I felt that way. I couldn't explain how can that small failure to understand devastated me that much. Probably my subconscious mind was so worried about the final exam, feeling anxious about scoring good mark for the subject. 

Physics is the core subject for engineering. Failing to obtain excellent result for the subject means risking the chances to get admitted into engineering field. I couldn't think of any other courses other than engineering. I don't know anything else other than mathematics and physics. I'm not really good at chemistry either.

I've already bid farewell to medical profession while I was in form three as I get to know that medical course requires really high dedication and commitment. Busy and stressful. I don't want my life to be surrounded by books only. Hence, sayounara.

However, I forgot about my bad encounter with the electrical area while I was filling in the online application for university admission. I thought my 'relationship' with electric would improve over time. Thinking that the fairer gender would have been better off working with the computer more than to work with those gigantic machines, I opted for computer engineering in UTM.

It was a course offered by Electrical Engineering Faculty.

I had a really hard time in the faculty.